Monday, 22 May 2017

Blackso survives - for at least a few more days or longer.

I know I should be rejoicing, and part of me is, but the last three days have so drained me that the conclusion I was expecting yet dreaded would have afforded some relief in a perverse kind of way.

After a fitful night, rising at 03.45 found him sitting perkily on the kitchen floor, immediately starting to purr loudly in expectation of the breakfast I would give him. All well until about two hours later when he had another bout of losing all coordination and looking around dizzily. Then he slept and when awakened was back to normal again - which made the task ahead even harder.

Rang the vet as soon as it opened at 9.30. They gave me twenty minutes later - so, weeping freely, I scooped him up, locked him in the carry cage and took him the 5 minute walk. In the waiting area my head was down so as not to reveal the wretched state I was in. When called, the one seeing me was my least favourite of the three of them, a dour, humourless, no-nonsense fellow in his forties. I wanted it to be a certain young lady with a foreign accent who always showed sympathy both to me and to my pet. But at least this chap wasn't going to tell me lies to make me feel more comfortable.

This morning I'd read on my last-but-one blog a comment from Athene who said that Blackso's symptoms sounded very much like Vestibular Syndrome/Disease. As she suggested, I looked it up via Google, and his symptoms did very much appear to be identical with that. I told this to the vet but he immediately expressed doubts.
He did an exhaustive check on muscles and tummy and looked into both his eyes and both ears with his instruments (all of which B. hated) and then watched him walk freely around the examination room floor, in his now regular loping style which can look as though he's drunk, so for me his movement appeared to be still normal. I told the vet that this morning he'd had another bout of losing all co-ordination and balance and looking dizzy, but he was now back to what for him at his advanced age is his regular condition. I was asked to describe the accident on Friday.  The verdict was that he still thinks it unlikely to be vestibular, but more probably mild concussion. He prescribed a short of course of anti-inflammatory tablets, and if he's still getting these bouts of unbalance and uncoordination to bring him back. in a few days  Meanwhile, not to let him outside at all. 

So back here he is, having taken one tablet, and he's in a 'normal' state again., though his next attack, if it happens at all, could happen at any time.  (He's just made an unassisted visit to his litter tray).
The vet hadn't even mentioned the ultimate option which I had been waiting for, had prepared for and was going to ask him to do whatever's necessary and get it over with. I was going to request that I might hold and comfort him as he was being injected. It never came to that. Yet I know it still might do.

So that's the situation. I fully realise it's only postponing the inevitable day. It might well have been easier to have requested putting him to sleep if only to avoid having to go through it all again but I chickened out. Meanwhile, I'll appreciate even more, if that's possible, every single minute he's still with me .

I'm enormously touched by all the messages of support and love I've received. I feel very humbled to know there are so many really nice folk around to comfort a complete stranger. I'll be posting updates on Blackso's condition as they come about, which they will, but I don't think future posts on the subject will be anything like as full and wordy as those I've posted since Friday. I've already said just about all there is to say - and I'll try to avoid repeating it all when the day comes round, next time for real. 

Grateful thanks to all - and Blackso says so too! From us both:-
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

and another:-
X.



34 comments:

  1. I'm glad things are better with Blackso today. Now you need to take care of yourself! You've been through a tough time. I hope you can get some rest today and maybe distract yourself a little. Hugs.

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    1. Just had a good sleep, Jennifer, which I badly needed ever so badly. Your generous hugs I'm honoured to accept - and I only wish I could return them in kind and in reality, so here's the best I can do - some mental ones.
      Ever gratefully yours.

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  2. blackso has more than 9 lives, he has 18! dear sweet blackso, we all love you very much. but not as much as your daddy loves you! hugs to all at your house!

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    1. I know how much you care, W.Q. and I'm flattered that you shower such thoughts in this direction. - even though I love it, so don't stop.
      I wasn't supposed to let him out but I just opened the window to let Noodles out while B. was apparently half-asleep and he grabbed the chance like a shot, the little rascal. Currently he's sunning himself in next door's back garden but in such a spot as I can keep an eye on him. I'll see he doesn't do anything he shouldn't and bring him in shortly.
      Hugs and XXXXXXs to you, RTG and your own brood of worries stored up for the future - oh dear! :-)

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  3. Dear Raybeard, Thanks for the update. We went through your emotions with our cat Kelly years ago. It was heart wrenching, but ultimately we know we did the right thing. Here's hoping that Blackso recovers enough to give you more time to love him.

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    1. Ta, RTG. Yes, I know just how they rip the heart out of you when one feels so helpless. Now over 5 hours since his tablet and he's so far had no further attack. Desperately hoping that that was all he needed. Time alone will tell. I'll ransack my stores of affection to find if there's any more I can give him. They've practically run out over the last three days but find more I will!

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  4. Ray, this is so heartbreaking that it brought tears to my eyes. I know how difficult this is for you - - but it's reassuring to know that Blackso is getting all the love and care that he deserves.
    Stay strong. You're doing all that is humanly possible.

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    1. Ever so grateful for your visit and kind thoughts, Jon. You know precisely what it's like to go through this agony and there's no way I'm going to claim unique 'privilege' for the distressing experience, but it really does knock the stuffing out of one. Yes, I can't do any more than I'm doing. I only wish I had limitless resources to give him more assured treatment if that's what he needs, though up to now the tablets seem to be working. However, early days yet. Fingers firmly crossed for the next few days.

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  5. Dear Ray, just catching up on my blog reading. I did not Know Blackso had had an accident; will keep good thoughts in mind for both of you! If a concussion is what you're looking at, perhaps it will just take a bit of time, much like with ourselves. You must be exhausted; hope you can rest while Blackso is improving.

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    1. Just caught up on a bit of the neglected sleep, Elle, and feeling better for it. B. himself must feel well spent for all he's been through. Let's hope he mends quickly and he can live trouble-free with me for even just a little bit longer. I daren't hope for more than that.

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    1. Thanks, J.G. As at now I'm far happier than I was just six hours ago. One can but hope.

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  7. Tinged with sadness, but precious time. Be good to yourself.

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    1. Thanks to you too, Elaine. Between B. and myself it'll be mutual, reciprocal affection time for as long as necessary, or longer if that's what it takes.

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  8. I'd never even thought concussion. Poor Blackso. Hopefully these meds will help him and he and his Daddy can back to normal.
    After you BOTH rest and relax and cuddle.

    xoxo to you and Blackso

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    1. Ta, Bob. I hope 'normal' is not too much to ask for, but it's certainly what we desperately want. I'll be striving for it non-stop.
      And several XXXXXXs to you and yours, of course.

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  9. I am rejoicing this morning knowing that this beautiful little boy has survived.

    The "inevitable" will happen to all of us and we will eventually lose those we love. Appreciate every minute he is still with you and love him even harder.

    Please keep us informed and know that we are all here to support you.

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    1. It was against all the odds as I saw them, Paul, but here we are, winning. He's not going to budge an inch from my thoughts, and I'll keep trying to keep him in my sight-line. Too priceless a treasure to be careless about.
      I certainly will keep everyone informed on progress, positive or otherwise, and I do hope to resume my usual film review blogs this week, even though I know that when I go out I'll have to lock him in and will be thinking of him for as long as the film is screening.
      (I can see him right now lying in the sun in next-door's back garden, having darted out like a shot during my inattention. I'll bring him in soon.)

      Btw: I watched for the third time the HBO video of 'Angels' over the last week. (Last time was 9 years ago.) What a towering performance from Pacino (especially) that is! I still haven't booked for the cinema relays in two months time. I felt this time that the constant references to ones mortality made me more uncomfortable than before, almost certainly because now, being 70, it's something I'm increasingly aware of daily. It's going to be a heavy and profound experience, though I am curious to see how they manage the many special effects on stage, which I read are quite spectacular. Still not sure if I'll go, but if I do I'll be posting a review.

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  10. Well here's to hoping you gain some more time with your dear little one. He apparently has things on his list to do yet.....like I'm sure get into some trouble no doubt! πŸ•πŸ•πŸ•

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    1. Trouble? Like now, M.M. He's disappeared somewhere outside. When he turns up I'll give him such a scolding! (Verbal only!)

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  11. Hooray!!!!! 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻

    Eric and Marta send some licks! 🐢🐢

    Beaming you lots of love. You must be wrung through! Get some rest if you can. Take blackso with you, so you dont worry.

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    1. Yes, the last thing I expected, Sol. A reprieve, certainly, so I'll enjoy it as long as it lasts.

      Give Eric and Marta some smoochy kisses from both us, will you please?

      Yes, I'm exhausted. He's now gone nine hours since his first tablet and there's been no repetition of those upsetting bouts. I'll give him another first thing in the morning. Long may it stay like this.

      He does change his sleeping location every few weeks, one place of which is to sleep with me under the duvet or just on the bed beside my pillow. But his current place of choice is the kitchen worktop and I don't want to add to his stress by forcing him somewhere he doesn't want to go. I'll keep an eye on him throughout the night.

      Thanks again for following my tribulations.

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    1. Ich bedanke mich herzlich, SHON - and fuer Ihren Besuch dazu.

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  13. So pleased to hear this latest news, dear Ray!
    Keep enjoying your time with sweet Blackso (as if you are not).

    Love and hugs from Shadow, 21, his son Murray, 18, "Johnny Cash" (can you guess what colour he is?) Who is probably about 8, and, of course, me.

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    1. Thanks for your continued concern and for sharing in my relief, Rozzie. I'll be watching Blackso like a hawk. Trouble is now we're forecast to have a succession of sunny, warm, or even hot days, and it's this kind of weather when he likes to go out and lie under parked cars for the shade./ You can well imagine how my heart goes into my mouth when he does this - and I have to go straight and coax, or pull, him out. I hardly dare leave my place for more than a very few minutes. But he's survived for so any years that I can only hope that his luck in this connection will continue for at least a bit longer .

      I'll pass on the good will of your threesome - goodness me, one at 21! - as well as yourself, of course. (I'd guess that your Johnny Cash is NOT an all-whiter!)

      Thanks one more time.

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  14. Our animals sure do put us through an emotional wringer, don't they. Blackso lives to purr another day, and you have caught up on some much needed sleep. All good, as we say in NZ. Ray, know that you (and Blackso) have friends all over the world who love you.

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    1. It's now nearly 24 hours since he had his first tablet, Judith. I gave him another one at 3.30 a.m. - and he's not had another of those nasty 'turns'.
      I'm truly amazed at how many good wishes have come in from all corners of the globe. If only B. could understand and appreciate that. It's especially heartening to me who has no friends in the face-to-face sense, 'only' my much valued blogpals, so I've used this medium to spill out my emotions. I thank everybody for their understanding, especially those like you, who have helped me through this trial.

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  15. Hey Ray, how are you feeling today? How is Blackso? I hope you are both on the mend.

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    1. I'm fine thanks, Sol. Still catching up on badly needed sleep. More importantly, Blackso seems to be okay as well. Now well over a day since he was given his first tablet and, so far, there have been no more nasty turns. He spent most of yesterday sleeping outside in the sun in next door's back garden. He's just come in from there now and I'm going to chance locking him inside (with the other two) and going to the pictures. I've got to live my own life too!
      Thanks for asking.

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  16. What a saga. I do hope Blackso gets better and continues to give you joy. May all his troubles be 'passing' ones and may he soon be strong as steel as they say in Greece.
    Look after yourself too!!
    Love Linda in gr

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    1. Thanks very much indeed for those words, Linda. You're a treasure. Taking not just one day at a time but living it hour by hour - and it's mentally draining. But what alternative is there if I don't want to lose him?

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  17. So sorry to have missed this while traveling. Hope it has turned out to be concussion and that he's doing better and better. My heart goes out to you! Sending major cyberhugs!

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  18. Thanks, Mitch. His 'walk' is still very distressing to see, his limbs lurching all over the place. Apart from that, however - and very curiously - he seems to be healthy. he's eating as well as he ever did and his nose is always wet. Whether he'll fully regain co-ordination of his legs now at his age remains to be seen though I have to admit it looks doubtful. I continue to watch him, and to value his presence.

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