Getting there - at snail speed.

Was getting a bit despondent at so many days of under-eating and not just going through the day hungry but, worse still, going to bed hungry - and all with nothing to show for it. Until this morning. At long last managed to get my belt fastened one further hole in. The 'overhang' still looks pretty grotesque though, but it must mean there is some progress even though it's not readily visible. Only another 4 holes to go! Pity that pigging out for a day or two takes at least that many weeks (or even months!) from which to recover.

Not an easy watch - but it wasn't intended to be.

Well watching that film (A Jihad for Love) didn't do my blood pressure much good. Although it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know in general terms it still provoked feelings of disbelief at how people can be treated both by attitudes of hatred and intolerance from others (mainly religious, naturally) and physically (imprisonment, lashings and, of course, state-managed murder). But that was tempered by witnessing the bravery of those effected - something I cannot honestly say I would have the guts to emulate if I was in similar situations. Of course the internalising of feelings of inferiority and mental contortions to convince oneself that one's religious faith doesn't really apply here are all familiar, though I think I started 'compartmentalising' my sexuality and my religion separately fairly early on. Actually during all my strict Roman Catholic upbringing homosexuality per se was never ever mentioned (just too utterly and grievously sinful to even contemplate?) let alone discussed. When sex was (rarely) briefly discussed it must have been assumed that we were all hetero, as all the accent was on not engaging in sex before marriage, which even for most heteros would be considered laughable nowadays. Haven't heard anything yet about reactions to the showing of the programme - but similar threats of violence and worse have been made before and nothing happened. Can only hope that this too is just bluster. In the meantime - more such programmes please!

My 'beef' for today.

I've just got to computer-watch TV prog of last night (broadcast past my bed-time) concerning Gay Muslims and their struggle for acceptance within their faith and living in their communites. Even before I see it my heart goes out to them. Annoys me like hell that there's been an outcry against this prog from certain vociferous Muslim 'leaders' in this country, even death-threats against the makers if it's broadcast. So there we have it. We are not even allowed to read particular books and watch particular TV programmes, some are even saying that British laws need not be observed, -yet we are all supposed to submit to the laws of 'Allah' as defined by these same despotic theocrats. Never mind if we don't hold that faith. Sometimes really makes me want to despair. One recalls in jaw-dropping astonishment, Blair telling us all, shortly after 9/11, that Islam is, in reality, "a gentle, peace-loving, tolerant religion". Yeah, right! (I feel better now - but only slightly.)

Yes, this is me!

Photo loaded - just taken this morning. This is the best of a bad bunch, I think. (Well, he would say that, wouldn't he?) Now I'll just sit back, grit my teeth - and wait.

Counting the holes.

Huffed and puffed myself along the promenade in the 5 a.m. dark today. Being still out of condition I could only manage a couple of miles - and even that with several walking 'rests'. But already slight improvement on last time, though all those official Half-Marathon/10 mile public events are so far in the past now that it's unlikely they'll ever return. If I can get up to, say, 7 miles without any stops will be more than happy. The previous motivation had been training, now it's to get this damn paunch down. But only a month ago it was hard work getting to fasten my belt into the outermost hole whereas now fitting it into the second hole isn't too hard so there is some progress. Now if can get to stage when comfortably fastening the belt yet a further 3 or 4 holes in is achieveable there might be occasion to celebrate. It's been done before. But do so want to get there before the warmer weather arrives and there's sometimes only one layer of clothing to disguise any unsightly bulge. Can but try.

Quandary.

Want to be brave like so many others and post a current pic of myself here. Tried several times with web-cam but so far the results have been unflattering - which probably means they were realistic-looking. Even though I'm aware this isn't a dating site (but I am available!) when one sees what my age is one expects to see a 'daddy' figure. Trouble is I just don't look like one. Throughout life people have always said that I look some years younger than I actually am - which would now suggest someone in their 50s but I STILL don't look like a daddy. Oh well, maybe I'll try again tomorrow. Why not put off what one can do today?

Oh happy day!

Now I've managed to work out how to make myself a blog 'follower' - at the moment only(!) of the unique and cuddly Breenlantern - I'm feeling as chuffed as bum-fluff. Now I'll explore more blogs and try to get some more excitement into life before I've got to take to a zimmer-frame and maybe.....who knows? Not easy for someone at my stage of life (boo hoo!) who's only had a computer for 4 years to work out how to do things with it. But it's commmmmming!