Phantom cat or is it just my mattress settling?

 

I've been experiencing this for about 10 years, I think. Not really scary (at least to me), but definitely an oddity. I wonder if anyone else has known or even heard of this kind of thing - or something similar? 

Nearly every night soon after I get into bed and put my head on the pillow, I feel the clear sensation that a cat has jumped onto the bed to join me - thinking that one of my, at present, two pussies has done their usual habit of coming to me to sleep with, which they'll both always do off and on during the course of the night, punctuated by their slinking off to go outside for their nocturnal prowls. But when I feel this 'phenomenon', I sometimes used to switch on a bed-side light, look aound the room, and there they both are, sleeping soundly in their respective favourite well-separated locations in the bedroom, either on the carpet in a corner or on a pile of discarded clothes awaiting washing. I don't even bother to look nowadays as I know what to expect. This feeling of one of them having leapt up to join me (it's always near the foot of the bed or behind my back when I'm lying on my side) is so similar to them actually having done so it's quite uncanny.

Now I ought to say that my present mattress is old, by some 30+ years, my having acquired it from a former address when I was in 'digs'. How long even before that my then landlord had it, I don't know.

So, the much more likely cause of this interesting, frequent, though minor 'disturbance' is that it's something to do with the bed rather than being paranormal (it hardly need saying!) - but the regularity of it, and its uncanny resemblance to the antics of a cat is remarkable. It's always around the same time - when I'm still awake, not yet nodding off and, oddly only at night, never during my daily afternoon snooze sleeping on the very same bed - a 'cat-nap' if you will. It's not in any way unnerving, in fact it's oddly reassuring.

Maybe I should say in passing that since I moved to the current address I must have had around 10 different cats as co-residents at one time or another, mostly in singles but occasionally a two-some like now. A few of them have actually died here, but none of them (yet?) in the bedroom, the last one happening in the bathroom, before that in the kitchen, then a couple being put to sleep at the vets (in my arms with my copious tears flowing as they were given their final jab). So a 'phantom' cat, highly questionable as it is, is never far from my mind. Maybe it lingers there because I like to think of it as such. All the cats I've had here have, every one of them, been very affectionate towards me - that's why they've stayed - so it makes me wonder, could it be?.......

P.S. Couple of hours after reading Mitch's response below regarding his own late cat, Tuxedo - Don't know why I didn't do it before, but having written in my opening sentence above that all this business started with me "about 10 years" ago, I've just looked at my notes of significant dates in my life, and the cat I owned who had the greatest effect on me, and who loved me to an extent no other cat since has done, was my dear beloved Blackso, who died in July 2017 and whose passing devastated me like no other - although of course I've also loved every other one of them too, even if Blackso was the most special one of them all. Tonight, when I feel him(?) jumping onto the bed I'm going to whisper his name. And why not?

Yet ANOTHER horrific episode uncovered in Catholic Church's appalling history.

 And in the not-very-distant past too. 

Warning: This is utterly heartbreaking. It's angered me and affected me profoundly. If you wish to read on, please prepare yourself to be distressed.

Scene: Tuam in County Galway, on the west coast of Ireland. 

From 1925 to 1961, St Mary's Home was a 'hostel' administered by the Church - the 'Bon Secours Sisters' (translation: Good Help) - for mothers, some of them mere teenage girls, who had given birth out of wedlock - together with their babies. This was, as many will know, an extremely dark time when 'society' considered unmarried mothers and their illegitimate offspring to be the result of the ultimate depravity - the work of Satan himself! (No accusation of guilt directed towards the male 'culprits', of course. They had nothing to do with it!), Perhaps one or more of the girls were raped by a perpetrator who was related to them, maybe even their own father. That doesn't matter. For a girl to 'allow' herself to be raped was still a most grievous mortal sin, any child resulting from such a physical union necessarily having to share that 'guilt'. 

The mothers themselves at this home were constantly treated like dirt by both nuns and staff - and their babies, usually separated from their mothers, some girls never being given the chance of even having seen their offspring, were treated hardly any better. But yet worse was to come. If their health was in trouble, that was too bad. They were the Devil's children! Many, many babies died, some maybe just a few months old - but some lasted long enough to become young girls! But it wasn't the Church's problem. And where were bodies of the little ones 'buried'? In the establishment's back garden - thrown into a sewage tank!!!! Oh my GOD! Pointless to wonder if any departing prayers were said for their innocent souls. The act says it all.

Here is a 'shrine' for them created later - yes, 796 of them, all their little bodies disposed of (i.e. hidden) under the grass. It's absolutely beyond words and imagination!

While it was operating, a total of 3,349 children lived at this 'home'. Some of them are still alive and able to recount their experience, how their stigma was carried into every area of their lives, including of course and prominently, schooling, where they were shunned by other pupils - on their teachers' instructions, naturally.

The old home has itself been long demolished, but work is now proceeding to identify bones now being extracted. Whether this will go far in identifying any of these young victims it's hard to ascertain.

And how did the present Church react? Well nothing too surprising. I suppose we can over time expect the episode to being forgotten, never to be mentioned, certainly not by the Church itself. Only the usual, almost reluctant, mealy-mouthed 'apology' of sorts - together with the inevitable "This can never happen again!" kind of reassurance. Big deal! We all look forward to something to show how much anyone in the Church who knew about this home, most especially those in senior positions (bishops, even maybe cardinals?) were aware of what went on. The present Archbishop of Tuam described the revelations as he being "horrified", "shocked" and a "body-blow". Well, don't that make you feel a lot better?

Meantime, is there any non-religious institution anywhere which, if it had allowed such an establishment as this to run and thrive for decades, to not be closed down forever. I doubt it. But for the Catholic Church - and 'Christianity' in particular - as well as religion in general - just claim that you are pro-'God', and you'll get off practically scot-free - and your 'business' certainly will not be shut down. 

Now 'scuse me while I just go away and vomit! 

Mega-horror - yesterday's Air India plane crash.

 There aren't adequate words to describe the scale of horror of yesterday's event, the plane crashing down onto a hostel for doctors and other premises in the Indian township of Ahmedabad mere seconds after taking off, killing 241 passengers and crew, additional ground fatalities so far unknown, though likely to be numerous. The cause of the plane's failure/malfunction is, of course, yet to be determined. There was only one survivor (with a few non-critical injuries) from the plane itself, which I will refrain from calling 'miraculous' - though others may not be so held back - as that would literally imply a deity who'd 'decided' that everyone on the plane must die except for this single 40-year old British man - a preposterous notion. But I get that people, myself included, are prone to exaggerating for effect when commenting on such a catastrophe as this - or, indeed, any tragedy at all.

However, in the reporting of the disaster on yesterday's TV news, there was a matter which some might say is relatively trivial as against the entire deadly drama. Among all the victims was a British couple, Fiongal Greenlaw-Meek who founded a spiritual 'Wellness Foundry' in London in 2018 involving psychic readings, reiki healing, tarot and other 'alternative' belief systems (not specifically religious) and who was later joined by his husband, Jamie, as business partner:-

When I first heard about the horrible event yesterday on the BBC News channel, among the details of those few victims known at that early time, was this couple, the BBC acknowledging Jamie as the other's husband.  However, on our ITV News half an hour later, the two were described as being 'partners' which, though accurate in the business sense, doesn't give what is arguably the more important part of their relationship. What makes their status as victims even more poignant is that the couple at the airport just prior to boarding for their flight, had made a video of themselves saying 'Goodbye, India' - which was broadcast. (Lump in my throat. Oh, weep for them!) Okay, so maybe ITV hadn't known that they were a married couple - but if it had been a man and his wife who was also his business partner, would they not have at least been 'interested' as to their relationship, if any? Or could it, just possibly, have been that ITV didn't want to 'offend' some viewers? I only ask the question because it still irks me. If the BBC knew, surely ITV too should or could also have found out? 

The plane would have been bound for London's Gatwick airport which is in that part of England in which I also reside, so I watched the later ITV 'regional news' bulletin with some interest - and yet again, as the crash had some incidental connection with this region, these particular victims were mentioned once more - and (no surprise) this couple were again only referred to as 'partners'!  (Incidentally, the later Channel 4 News did acknowledge their true relationship). Of course it's quite possible that I'm barking up a non-existent tree, but until there's evidence to the contrary I'll continue to quibble that this couple, dying together horrifically as they did, were not afforded the dignity and respect by our ITV channel to which they were absolutely entitled. 

London Pride 2025 is to take place on 5th July coming up. The couple were booked to supervise an information stall for their London-based 'Wellness' enterprise in the park gathering following the parade. Plans are currently uncertain how to carry on but what will happen is that a period of silence in the couple's memory will be held, which is the very minimum that can be done. As to whether anything else takes place regarding their profoundly ever-so-sad demise and in loving honour of their memory, we'll have to see.

Eurovision 2025 Grand Final - my post-event thoughts.

 

So, Austria wins. Not especially noteworthy IMO - and neither was the song, sung by JJ, a 24-year-old Austrian-Filipino in (mostly) extraordinarily high-register, counter-tenor voice, that being the only significant feature of his otherwise unmemorable entry, in a victory that was only clinched away from Israel in the very last announced vote, reaction being to nearly drown himself in tears, for which I think he can be forgiven.

This was Austria's third win in the contest's history, the last one being bearded drag-queen Conchita Wurst in 2014.

Btw: I read only this morning that among the several anti-Israel protests both inside and outside the hall, some highly predictably vociferous, during her act the Israeli singer was targetted by a pair of paint-throwers in the audience, though missing their object, hitting instead a stage-hand. Can't think why I missed seeing that! But anyway, her song did very nearly carry off the prize so she must have felt robbed when it fell at the very last post.

U.K. finished 19th (out of 26), the trio 'Remember Monday' with their stop-go-stop-go song, entitled 'What the hell just happened?' finished with what I thought a fair placing and a song title with which I would concur - their notable 'achievement' for the second year running having been to achieve for us the dreaded 'nul points' from the public international vote. I shed no tears.

As is nearly always the case, this year's presenters were so boringly dull, perhaps even moreso this time. Could they not think of something original, or even just marginally interesting to do or say? Apparently not:- 

Now, most thankfully, this year was not bedevilled with the question of how many votes we viewers have. In recent previous years we've heard the presenters talking of multiple votes while commentator Graham Norton, talking over them, goes on about our voting for the (emphatically singular) country we liked the most. At last, this year even he said that we can have up to 20 votes each - not permitting, of course, voting for one's own. So with that cleared up I voted for my own Top 5, the first three of which, incidentally, all being 'novelty' songs, and only the first singer being female. Significant? :-

1. Luxembourg (actually finishing 22nd) - singing in the cursed second place running order, the only position from which no participant has yet won. This pleasant, puppet-themed song and presentation was, I felt, sadly underappreciated.

2. Estonia (finished 3rd) - man with rubber limbs with a 'fun' song, complete with fake 'stage invasion' by female fan. An agreeable final placing. :-

3. Sweden (finished 4th) - had been out-and-out favourites to win, and early on in the voting looking like they would! I'd have been well pleased if they'd succeeded:-

4. San Marino (finished 26th = last). Undeserved. I'd liked the song on first hearing. Shame!

5, Iceland (finished 25th = second to last). My vote here wasn't very enthused, but even so these two brothers (not twins) didn't merit so low a placing.

So there you have it. This year a largely unremarkable contest with few genuine shocks/surprises as such. Next year probably Vienna, then? Maybe at last the U.K. will break out of its seemingly eternal doldrums which even the very occasional exception hardly alleviates. 

Eurovision time here again, with an 'Hooray!' - and a 'gulp'!

 

Yup, it's first Semi-final tonight - followed by the second on Thurs, then the (very) 'Grand' Final on Sat evening. An evening of 'entertainment' unrivalled elsewhere on TV - complete with cheers, guffaws, boos, excitements and bores, yet such compulsive viewing - while all the while awaiting those inevitable and guaranteed jaw-dropping moments.

This year as usual (sometimes) coming from the country of previous year's winner, Switzerland - an entry which, if anyone remembers the song at all, congrats to them! 

It'll be hosted in Basel, a city I visited (along with Zurich) out of curiosity in the 1980s - a time when I was affluent enough to visit virtually anywhere I wanted on a whim, sometimes just for a w/e.  

I've listened to all the songs twice, some three times - and for me there's only the one stand-out winner. Unfortunately on the latest betting odds that entry (identified at end of this post) has a less than 1% chance of winning, even lower than the U.K. which has a precisely 1% (as deserved) chance with their totally uninspiring entry:-

Above, U.K.'s 'Maybe Monday' (that's the name of the group!) a performing trio with their song 'What the hell just happened?', a song I just do not 'get', along with a title to match! Anyway they are currently 18th out of a current 37 in the betting. After the two semi-finals, viewers' votes will have whittled Saturday's finalists down to 25. (The U.K. along with France, Germany, Spain and Italy, being the biggest financial contributors to the annual event, are already placed in the final, with also the previous year's winner).

There's not such a visible, though beneath-the-surface, 'gay element' to this year's do, which is a pity even if the audience at least is bound to be livened up with prominently visible Pride flags as well the predictable national ones. (I always find it especially hard whenever the camera plays on or picks out particular male audience members, to decide whether such individuals are not gay! - a minority I'm sure). 

One act I must single out is that of Poland (with an indifferent song, alas) - a female singer with a backing leather-clad dance quartet including two men. All four of them wear near-identical dress of mini-skirt consisting of leathery 'straps' hanging down, and stiletto heels! The gay allusion is clear. But whether they will get through to the final, I would doubt it. Currently they are 21st in the betting odds to win:-

Above, Poland's performer(s) - I can't find a pic to show all four dancers in full-length mode.

It's quite a surprise to find that country having permitted such an act to represent the nation when for a number of years until quite recently Poland was deemed the most homophobic (in terms of laws and government) in the entire European Union - that dubious 'honour' now bestowed on Hungary and its Prime Minister (and 47's dear friend) Viktor Orban. (Hiss hiss, boo!)

Russia has been booted out of the competition since President Putrid's invasion of Ukraine, the latter country being currently 14th in the odds, though their song is another barely inspiring one, even though it'll be bound to get a significant sympathy vote.

Every year now the most controversial inclusion is always Israel - demonstrations, bomb threats, death threats  - all pretty much business as usual. I wonder why, with Russia being excluded and Israel allowed, should they not permit a Palestinian entry (or Gaza?) if only to balance it? Just asking the question.

Oh, and like they always now are, Australia is again taking part. Last year they didn't even make it to the final.

Present betting favourite to win - Sweden (yes, yet again!), which I'd rate as about the 6th or 7th best, so not too bad - followed by Austria, France and Israel. 

And my own favourites? First, Luxembourg - in currently bookies' 24th placing to win - with an attractive, tuneful non-serious ditty which appealed to me on my first hearing, and with a generous nod (if anyone other than me recalls it) to the U.K.'s first ever win back in 1967. Our last outright triumph was in 1997 but since 2000 we've done spectacularly badly, creeping into last place no less than five times! True that in 2022 we came second with Sam Ryder singing the forgettable 'Space Man' though that placing turned out to be an exceptional freak. 

Then my second favourite I would place the San Marino entry (bookies' 24th).

Very doubtful if my two choices, especially the first, even make it into Sat's biggie, but that's been the pattern for many years now. Maybe I've gotten just too old to fully appreciate today's prevailing tastes. However, we can but hope!

'Exploding Head Syndrome' - Do you also suffer?

I'd never been aware of this quite melodramatic term before finding it this morning via Google. It relates to the condition of being awoken from sleep by some loud noise (or maybe a voice) either as part of one's dream or imagined as occurring in reality, i.e. external to it - and, apparently, it's more common among women.

All my life I've never been a deep, sound sleeper, though it's not been such a chronic or disabling feature as to needing medical attention, my always managing to get (just) adequate sleep even if it means, as it regularly does, taking a nap (or two) during the day. Occasionally, as a sleep catch-up, I do take just half of one tablet of the most popular available over-the-counter sleeping aid, perhaps once in a fortnight - just half a tablet because I'm very aware of how addictive they can become for some people, something I very much don't want to become, nor have ever got close to becoming, thank heavens!

Anyway, for some months now I've been experiencing the phenomenon of waking up due to some kind of sound or noise in my dream, maybe once every couple of weeks and, when it happens, just the once in that particular night. But recently they've gotten more frequent - until last night when it happened at least three times, perhaps four! Quite concerning. The sound varies - sometimes a sort of swishing noise, occasionally a loudish report, or now and then my name being called - always within whatever dream I'm having, but disturbing enough to suddenly make me wide awake, not sure whether it was a real sound, or it came from outside the bedroom  - when I sometimes have to get up and look into other rooms, or even through the window, checking outside. I'm far from a semi-sleep state but immediately wide-eyed fully awake. Then, with a sigh, I return to bed (having disturbed the cats, who are most nights both sleeping on the bed with me) and - usually - I manage to return to sleep again.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

Happening to me several times in one night is definitely an entirely new departure, and rather worrying. Obviously could be doing with far less of it. 

Apparently, and with no surprise, although there's no categorically simple answer to its cause other than anxiety, usually specific,

- which in my case can only be overwhelming financial pressures. Looks like I'm going to have no alternative but to beg my younger brother - he's just turned 77 - yet again for assistance merely to survive, something he's quite willing to do with no complaints at all, bless him. But I do so hate having to be carried! I used to be the richest member of my family until I made that fateful decision to emigrate to Germany in 1988. Then since my having to return to England three years later, all my money having run out, I've been impecunious ever since - it now having been for 34 years - and it ain't no fun! 

Incidentally, there are 'spiritual' interpretations of this 'Exploding Head Syndrome' condition, one of which is the fortelling of a financial 'surprise' in the offing. Oh, if only it were to be true!

Anyway, my immediate and most urgent wish right now is to have fewer nights like last night was. Heigh-ho!

A most treasured possession stolen from under my nose.

 

A set of domestic wind-chimes, owned by a dear, late German friend who died (AIDS-related) at age of just 40 in 1990. I was myself living at the time in Germany. After his passing I took over his apartment in Cologne and lived there for a year until financial necessities forced me, unwillingly, to return to England.

Heinz-Jurgen had brought the chimes over from San Francisco when he'd been visiting his closest friend, an American, in Sacramento, where this friend lived and still does. (I actually met him, and we've maintained mutual e-mail contact to this very day).

I'd set these chimes up inside my kitchen window here in Worthing when I moved here in 2000 - their gentle tinkling reminded me daily of that dear friendship of the past (as if I needed any reminding!). It was the sole possession of his that I now owned, putting me in mind of not only H-J, but also the several other friends, German, Dutch and English, I lost from around that time for that same reason.

Couple of months ago (I really should have posted about this before now) I was in my living room when I heard a clatter from the kitchen, at first thinking that one or both of my cats had upset something. On investigating, before I knew what had happened I looked out of the back window (my apartment is on the first floor - 'second' floor, I believe, in America!) and saw a female figure with distinctive hair - couldn't see her face- actually making an exit from 'our' back garden - through the gate which must have been left unbolted from the inside. I called out to her but she either didn't hear me or (more likely?) had slunked guiltily away out of sight. Only then did I notice that the chimes were no longer hanging there - and that was what I'd heard. How on earth it had dropped down from inside the kitchen and out through the opening of 8 inches or so (left permanently so for the cats), slid down onto the projecting sloping roof below and then dropped down into the garden below. At first I thought it must have been caught in the guttering, but no! Though then - that lady! I went down and outside, but by then she'd gone - no doubt holding my dear chimes. She must have been close by when she'd heard the sound of their falling onto the ground, tried the solid wooden back garden gate and, on finding it unbolted, seen the object lying there, and taken it up for herself. Just what sort of person would - or could - do such a thing!!! And in broad daylight too! On that day there'd been a lot on my mind and I do sadly recall thinking "Oh well, it's gone! Too bad!" I can't tell you how bad I still now feel on having thought so!

Some days after that event, thinking that the thief having disappeared so quickly, must have lived close by, even perhaps next-door (a large house divided into three or four flats), I wrote a long note addressed to 'All resident here' detailing what had happened, the value the object had meant to me, and that I'd seen the criminal, if only the top of her head. What I didn't say is that if I'd been flushed with money I would have paid a tidy to sum to have the stolen item back - even with no questions asked! As it is, and having checked on eBay, a similar set of chimes can be purchased for a mere £30 (American $40) or even less. Of course I myself could buy another, but naturally it wouldn't have any of the same sentimental value at all. It's hardly surprising that I got no response to the note I posted. If everyone next door had read it, including that lady herself - or if somebody read it who knows but is shielding her - I simply do not know what else I can do.

Still missing it every single day. Absolutely irreplaceable. It cuts me deep.